I've Been Ghosted

I’ve been GHOSTED. Not the kind where you knock on your neighbor’s door and leave a paper ghost with a treat, either. 

If you’re under thirty you’ll know what I’m talking about.

Since most of my readers don’t fit that particular demographic, I’ll explain. 

Everything I know about this particular GHOSTING I learned in passing while listening to talk radio. When it happened to me, I confirmed the definition by checking Urban Dictionary. (Cuz that’s the kind of researcher I am!)

So, here it is, according to Urban Dictionary.

Ghosting 

The act of suddenly ceasing all communication with someone the subject is dating, but no longer wishes to date. This is done in hopes that the ghostee will just "get the hint" and leave the subject alone, as opposed to the subject simply telling them he/she is no longer interested. Ghosting is not specific to a certain gender and is closely related to the subject's maturity and communication skills. Many attempt to justify ghosting as a way to cease dating the ghostee without hurting their feelings, but it in fact proves the subject is thinking more of themselves, as ghosting often creates more confusion for the ghostee than if the subject kindly stated how he/she feels.

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=ghosting

Yep. I happened to me. Only not with a date, but with my so-called editor. Here’s how it went down (in brief.)

Sept. 5th through 11th.

Email # 1 from me: “Are you available?”

Email # 2 from her: “Yes! You’re timings perfect, I just finished a project.”

Email # 3 from me: “Fantastic. I’d like you to evaluate my manuscript with an option to edit at a later date.”

Email # 4 from her: “I can do that. It will cost $120.00 through Paypal or credit card.”

Email  # 5 from her: “I have your payment and file.

Email # 6 from her: “I’ve finished my evaluation. Thanks for letting me read. What specific questions can I address?”

Email # 7 from me: [A list of three questions about my manuscript.]

Sept. 12th

Email # 8 from me: “I don’t believe I’ve received your evaluation. Did you send or still working on it?”

Sept. 13th

Email # 9 from me: “On pins and needles over here…” (Trying to be cool…)

Sept. 19th

Email # 10 from me: “I want my money back. You failed to fulfill your end of the deal.” (Not in so many words, but close.)

So here I am. It’s September 21st and I’ve been GHOSTED bad. I have no idea what went wrong. Maybe my three questions were too hard to answer. I don’t know. I have no idea.

So I did a little internet creeping. (“Research”) And I found that her editor’s twitter account has been very quiet. Not much activity since August. But her personal twitter account is very active. Like she posts ten times a day. What’s up with that? I thought maybe she’d been hit by a bus and couldn’t get to a computer to communicate with her clients.

And since I’m somewhat passive aggressive, I actually replied to one of her twitter posts. (Hello. I’m out here in the world. Waiting for you to finish the work I paid you for.)

And she LIKED it. What’s up with that? Either she has an auto-like setting or she’s got no integrity at all. What really frosts me is that she’s got a copy of my book. Legally she can’t do anything with it because it’s my Intellectual Property, but still. Urg!

Any who, I’ll be moving on to the next starred name on my list.  This time I’m digging even deeper into that prospective editor's shit.

Wish me luck. AGAIN!

Until next time,

Be Good to Yourself.

~Nadine

Ask a Compelling Question

I went to a party last weekend. It took place in a garage on a warm September night. Everything was very casual and relaxed. Including the napkins.

Yep. The napkins.  

They caught my attention right away. I started rifling through the pile  so that I could read all of them. There were about eight different designs. 

These were my favorite.

The first one is a drawing of a Weiner dog on a skateboard. Above it says: WHAT’S THE MOST OUTRAGEOUS THING YOU SAW TODAY?

Courtesy Google Images

Next to that one is a drawing of a guy holding a smelly sock in each hand. You can tell the socks are smelly because the wavy lines radiating from each sock is the universal drawing signal of stink. Just ask Pepe Le Pew. 

The question asks: WHAT DID YOU DO TO CHANGE THE WORLD TODAY?  (The guy says “I changed my socks. That counts.”)

The third napkin shows a drawing of a dog in a suit and tie carrying a brief case. The title says: SWAP DAY! WHO WOULD YOU SWITCH WITH AND WHY?

The final napkin has two drawings. One of a guy surfing a huge wave and the next of (I presume) his legs and feet upside down sticking out of the water. It says” WHAT PART OF YOUR DAY WAS MAD WAVES. AND WHAT PART WAS A TOTAL WIPEOUT?

Google Images.

These napkins remind me of when my kids were in school. If I asked them, “How was your day?” or “What did you do/learn at school today?” the answers were as vague as the questions. 

So I got smarter. I asked more direct questions such as, “What was the coolest thing that happened today?” and “What was the grossest thing that happened today?”  

Now those questions produced some very interesting answers! (Like the time a student got his finger stuck in a hole in his desk and the school had to call 911 because his finger was so swollen he couldn’t get in out.)

You know the drill. Google Images.

It’s good to reflect on your day. It’s good to ask yourself pointed questions. That’s how we grow and learn about ourselves. That’s how we become aware of how we affect others.

I’ll play the napkin game, but you have to also, okay?

The most outrageous thing I saw today was two wasps fighting or copulating, I’m not sure which, on the porch floor. I’ve never seen that before!

What did I do to change the world today? Well, I walked from Target to Best Buy instead of driving. They’re next to each other with only a small ravine between each store’s parking lots. I saved some gas and made a little less pollution.

If I had a Swap Day, I’d want Tim to go with me. BUT, I’d swap with JK Rowling or Dan Brown or SE Hinton for a day. See what it’s like to have the literary mind and chops of these folks.

Mad Waves today? I spent at least six hours (not all at once) writing today. And I ate at Steak & Shake (a treat!)

Wipe Out today? As of this moment, I haven’t received an email correspondence I’ve been waiting for. Frustrating!

Now it’s your turn.  Go ahead. It’s fun!

Until next time,

Be Good to Yourself!

~Nadine

Hiring An Editor

I’ve talked about my novel, THE INK OF TIME, a lot on this blog. I’ve been working on it for a long time. And as you may know, I’ve been kicked in the pants by my baby sister to get this project to its next stage. See “My Sister Says Tick-Tock,” posted this past April.

I’m happy to say, after much research, I have hired an editor! 

Image courtesy of Google

I typed “Editors for Hire” into Google and started by just clicking on everything that came up. And I looked a lot of web sites.  I came up with a list of about seven editors that felt right to me. I wanted someone unassuming and reasonably priced.  (You’d be surprised at how many editors’ web sites were just the opposite of these two things!)

Also, I really needed an editor who likes science fiction. THE INK OF TIME is not hard-core Sci-fi, it doesn’t take place in a strange new world, but it does have time travel, which is considered a subcategory of science fiction.

Image courtesy of Google

As I've said, I made a list of seven names, out of a million. That seemed like a good start, so I went back though those seven and starred my top three picks. A few days later, I looked up the first starred name on the list and thoroughly went over her web site. I really liked what I saw.

Like all the other editors, she offered a variety of serves in a range of intensity. Such as ‘light edit’ or ‘heavy edit,’ etc. All services were described and suggestions  given as to which service one might need most/first.

Image courtesy of Google

However, this editor went a step further. She provided samples of a light and heavy edit of the same document. An apples-to-apples comparison. That really got me interested.

So I emailed her. And she emailed back!

I’ve asked her to do a Manuscript Evaluation of THE INK OF TIME. She will read my novel two times and then write a detailed critic letter about the work. She told me it would take her (only) three business days to get back with me.

I’m on pins and needles! I’m not scared. I’m excited.  I think I’ve grown emotionally as a writer. I’m becoming more confident in my work. Oh, I know I’ll have to make revisions and changes and who-knows-what, but I say “Bring it on!”

Image courtesy of Google

I’m not there yet, friends. But I’m closer than I was yesterday.

Until next time,

Be Good to Yourself.

~Nadine

P.S. If this partnership works out, I’ll share my editor with ya’ll!

Don't Talk to Strangers

It was early September. The temperature and humidity levels were perfect. I was driving down a busy four-lane thoroughfare with my driver’s side window down, listening to the radio. The street light ahead was red and a truck next to me slowed for it at the same rate as me.

The passenger rolled down his window as we both drew to a stop.

“Hi,” the passenger said. I stared straight ahead, pretending I didn’t hear him.

“Hi,” he said again. I continued to stare straight ahead, but contemplated rolling up my window. And-get this-I thought that would be rude. Even at the same time I was thinking this situation could turn dangerous, I thought to roll up my window would be rude.

All sorts of horrible scenarios flashed through my head, beginning with being flipped off to having a gun pointed at me.

“Hi.” 

A third time!

Human nature is crazy. I didn’t want to look his way. I didn’t. I wanted to ignore him. He was only five or six feet away from me. Just ignore him I said to myself.

And I looked over.

“Hi.” It was young kid. Probably in high school. I gave a feeble wave. He turned toward the passenger in the middle seat as he rolled up his window. That was it.

The light was now green and off they sped. I saw that it was two young men/boys and a girl with a brown ponytail who rode in the middle between them.

I watched them, as I drove thorough traffic, for as long as I could. I wanted to see if they “Hi’ed” anyone else, but there were no more red light opportunities.  They turned off into a local park.

I’m sure those kids were just goofing off. Maybe playing an ‘ I dare ya’ game. And that’s fine. I did that kind of thing back in the day, too.

The thing is, in this world things can spin out of control at any given moment.  I still can’t believe I looked over. I did exactly what he wanted me to do. Geesh!

Also, I hope that they specifically picked me for their little game because I looked so benign. But what if I wasn’t what I appeared to be? I, too, could have been something scary for them. I don’t want to be the kind of person that expects the worst out of my fellow human beings. And I don’t want to be naive and think that all people are good. I know they’re not.

So where’s the happy-medium?

I’m hoping that my intuition would let me know what to do. I hope that I looked at the guy because I somehow knew it was a simple situation of kids goofing around.

Another side of me says that I faced my possible danger instead of ignoring it.

How many times in our lives have we done something that Could Have Gone Badly? For me, probably too many to count. Being aware of those times, well, I don’t know if that’s helpful or not.

Both images courtesy of Google

One of my favorite saying is “Be the good you wish to see in the world.” That’s what I try to do each and every day. Facing possible scary situations shouldn’t change that daily goal.

There’s another saying, “Speak softly and carry a big stick.” Thanks for that one, Teddy R. 





Until next time,

Be Good to Yourself,

~Nadine