How to Analyze Your First Page

Last week's blog post was about what it takes to create a good first page. The experts at the SCBWI -Iowa conference I attended talked mostly about these six things:

1. Let the reader in on what’s at issue right away- don’t hold off for a “reveal.” 2. No flowery language. 3. No super detailed descriptions. 4. Let reader know who is telling the story. 5. Stick to one main problem/issue. 6. Use emotion to grab the reader. 

I've applied them to the first page of my novel, THE INK OF TIME.  This my actual first page. The red areas are my comments and ideas about what I've written based off the experts advise. Here's how I saw it:

The beautiful Ewan McGregor
as Otto Daniel.
(Courtesy of Google Images.)

He didn’t have one tattoo on his body. His skin was marred with scars, and he felt no need to hide them. Otto Daniel didn’t care who noticed. (This tells a little about main character’s physical appearance-just enough to make the reader wonder about him.)When he walked into the tattoo shop, the one with the “help wanted” sign in the front window, he told himself he could use the irons (Is this word too “jarngony” or is it showing main character was in the business for some time?) again, if just for a while-until he figured things out. (The first issue is that he doesn’t want to have to go back to tattooing for a living. But why not?)

Olde City Tattoo in Philly
Established in 1999 by Jason Goldberg
https://www.form.ink/best-tattoo-shops-in-philadelphia/

Always aware of his 
surroundings, (This tells a little of the main character, Otto’s personality.) Otto walked through a half-lit shop into the darkness, toward the back of the room. Tired black leather chairs faced smoke-colored plate-glass windows. Black and white tiles alternated, like a giant checkerboard, on the floor. Dividing the reception area from the work area was a cluttered glass display case. The display case held binders Otto knew were full of artist samples. A poster advertising an upcoming tattoo fest had been taped to the glass from the inside. On top a cash register presided. Its design, sleek and space agey at one time, now just looked like a caricature of the modern era. Behind that four tattoo stations were cleaned, stocked, and ready for artists and customers. (Is there too much description of the setting, or just enough to give us an idea of where he’s at?)

“Needin’ a tat buddy?” asked a broad-shouldered man in a form-fitting T-shirt. His tattooed biceps rolled as he twisted to look Otto’s way from the portable tattoo chair he sat in. On the television a game show contestant gave the right answer. She ran up the steps to the stage while the audience roared and applauded. (A glimpse into this guy’s character-lazy maybe?)

“Naw. Lookin’ for work,” Otto replied. (Both characters talking in ‘everyday’ language.)

Still turned in his chair, the big man hit the volume button on the remote as he deliberately looked Otto up and down. “What do you know about tattooing?” he asked, “Don’t look like you have any.”

“Been in the business for a while now. I know the irons. I’m pretty good with a tattoo machine.”

Andrei Arlovski as the
tattoo shop guy. Why not!?
(Courtesy of Google Images)

The man clicked a button and the TV went dark. He unfolded himself from the black leather tattooing chair, and mic-dropped the remote control into the chair’s seat. (This could be the main character’s next problem! Not only does he need a job, but they guy he’s trying to get work from is uncooperative.) He hated having a new tattooist in the shop. He hated change period. But what he hated most of all, were men tattooists. He preferred working with women tattoo artists. (Aggressive behaviors by one character-how will the main character handle it?)

And that's the first page. Not much space to get a story going, right? Yet that's what it has to be. As you can tell, the knowledge I gained at the conference helped me see where my first page had potential, but also caused me raise more questions about my first page. 

And the big thing is that I haven't gotten to the real issue of this story. That isn't revealed until the second chapter. I've heard it said that most writers should delete their first chapter because the story really begins at chapter two. I just don't know...

Lucky for me, I've hired another editor. And this time, I actually have a signed contract. But more about that later.

Until next time,

Be Good to Yourself.

~Nadine